Look Back Don't Stare (HIATUS)
by Megan R Henry
Summary: When an old agent returns to the BAU, will she able to readjust to the job, and will she be able to capture the heart of one Spencer Reid? Summary sucks, but please read and review.
1. Chapter 1 Return Of An Old Friend

**Disclaimer- I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters in it. I do however own the character Megan Ellis . **

**OK, so, this is my first Criminal Minds fanfic, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I am writing it . I might not be the best writer but I'm working on it.**

**Character Profile.**

**Name-Megan Rebecca Ellis**

**Age- 27 ( 1 year younger than Spencer)**

**Birthday- 15 May**

**Hair- Blonde, to the shoulder, curls slightly at tip, brownish streaks**

**Eyes- Blue, sky blue**

**Skin- Fair**

**Height and Build- Around 5"4 and quite petite yet athletic**

**Usually Wears- Skinny jeans, checked blouses, converse**

**Chapter 1-Return Of An Old Friend**

"_**Perhaps I know best why it is man alone who laughs ; he alone suffers so deeply that he had to invent laughter." -Friedrich Nietzsche .**_

**SSA Aaron Hotchner was carrying some case files to his office when he heard the dreaded voice of the section chief Erin Strauss.**

"**Agent Hotchner?"**

**He turned on his heel, to see her standing outside her own office. **"**Yes ma'am?" he replied, wondering what on earth she had planned for him this time .**

"**May I speak with you Agent Hotchner?" she asked, gesturing to her office.**

**Hotch inwardly groaned. What had he done? What was she planning? It couldn't be good, it was never good.**

**Putting these thoughts aside, he answered, "Certainly," and followed her into her office.**

"**Sit."**

**He sat, glancing around the office slightly for any sort of clue as to what would be going on.**

"**Agent Hotchner, do you remember Megan Ellis?"**

**Hotch blinked, he hadn't heard that name in nearly seven years.**

"**Yes, I remember Megan, she joined when she was 18, left at 20 due to a major depressive episode, she would be 27 now if my calculations are correct."**

"**Yes. She will be returning to the job on Monday."**

**Hotch was astounded. The last time he had seen Agent Megan Ellis, she had been in a bad state, due to one of their recent cases. His mind went back in time.**

_**Megan Ellis stood in Hotch's office, tears running down her cheeks.**_

"_**I'm sorry Hotch, I really am. I love this job, I do, but I just can't do this anymore , I need a break. It's too much . I'm sorry."**_

**He forced himself back to the present, "I assume she passed the psych eval?"**

**Strauss nodded, "You are happy enough to have her back on the team?"**

"**Of course I am, Megan was always a very good agent."**

"**That's good Agent Hotchner, you may go."**

**Hotch stood up, brushing down his suit, and promptly left, thinking to himself. Megan Ellis. She had been just a kid when she had joined, not much better when she had left . She had been the baby of the group, a fun-loving smiley young girl, and then that one case had ruined her. He wondered what she would be like now. Would she be back to her usual self, or would she be different? It was hard to tell really. One thing was for sure, the members of the team that would remember her (****Morgan, Rossi had only met her once on a visit and a book signing, if he was correct)** would be delighted to have her back .

**Rossi met him in front of his office, "What was all that with Strauss?"**

**Hotch frowned slightly, "Megan Ellis is coming back to the BAU."**

**Rossi's face said it all, "Is she cleared for coming back? I mean, after what happened to her, I thought she might never come back, she would have had the right."**

**Hotch mused over it, "That's what I thought. But according to Chief Strauss, she'll be starting on Monday."**

"**Who'll be starting back on Monday?" the voice of Derek Morgan floated over to them, as he joined them from the bullpens.**

"**Megan Ellis," Hotch and Rossi responded at the same time.**

**Morgan's eyes widened, "Meggy mooster?"**

**Hotch bit back a smile, "If I remember rightly, she hated that nickname. But yes."**

**Morgan grinned, "Should be interesting to see how she gets on with Reid. Two geniuses together, they could set up a club. Or a competition."**

**Hotch chuckled at the thought. Yes, this should definitely be interesting.**


	2. Chapter 2 Waiting For The Girl

**Okay guys, here's chapter 2. I know a couple of people have been favouriting, but I would really love it if you could review as well, just so i know what you think of it and what I could improve in your eyes.**

Chapter 2- Waiting For The Girl

"_Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art ...It has no survival value ; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival." -C .S . Lewis_

Spencer Reid was busy sorting out some of the files, when he heard someone clear their throat. Looking up, he saw a girl, who looked around 20, dressed in jeans, a checked shirt and bright red converse standing in front of him. He brushed a piece of hair behind his ear.

"Yes, can I help you?"

She smiled slightly, "Yes, I'm looking for Aaron Hotchner's office. It's been a while since I've been here so I wasn't sure if it was in the same place."

He stood up properly, "Yeah sure, just up those steps, first door on your right."

The girl nodded, before following his directions, and disappearing into Hotch's office. Spencer had to admit, the girl was rather beautiful. Her eyes were a radiant sky blue, and her almost golden hair curled slightly at the tip. Was she a family member perhaps? She looked nothing like Hotch, but Spencer knew all too well that looks could be deceiving. She had said that she had been to the BAU before, so maybe a past victim? Someone they had saved maybe?

Who knows? He would ask Morgan later.

Hotch set down his pen as he heard a knock at the door.

"Come in."

A familiar smiling face entered the office, one he hadn't seen in a long time.

"Hey Hotch."

He stood, making his way over to her.

"Megan. It's good to have you back. You look...well only slightly older than you did the last time I saw you."

She laughed, "I distinctly remember the last time I saw you, you told me I looked like I was 10."

His mouth cracked into a smile, "Yes, well now I guess you look maybe 15 at a push. Morgan will be glad to have you back."

She grinned excitedly, "Is Gideon still here, or JJ?"

Hotch bit his lip, "No. Gideon left due to PTSD and JJ was promoted to the Pentagon."

Megan whistled, "So, anyone else here I know?"

"Morgan ...and Rossi's back. You remember Rossi, I think you met him once?"

"Yeah, briefly. I was introduced to him a few years back By the way, who was the tall guy with the brown hair out there? He gave me directions ."

Hotch chuckled inwardly, "That was Spencer Reid. A fellow genius, if you like. We needed someone to try and fill your shoes."

Her eyes narrowed as she smiled, "His IQ?"

"187."

"Beat it."

Hotch laughed at her competitiveness, "Be nice to him Ellis. Behave."

"But sir, I'm a perfect little angel!"

"Out, and go share your angelic behaviour with the others then."

As Megan Ellis walked out of Hotch's office, she heard a familiar voice shout "Megzy!" before her feet left the ground as she was swept up in a hug.

"Hey Morgan."

Morgan turned to Prentiss and Reid who were looking questionably at him.

"Guys, this is our new and old agent, Agent Megan Ellis."

"Morgan, you can put me down now."

"Oh...yeah, sorry."

Emily Prentiss came forward first, "Hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm Emily Prentiss."

She was greeted with a warm smile, "I'm Megan, as Derek has so kindly said. It's nice to meet you."

Spencer stumbled forward slightly, being pushed forward by Morgan.

"Hi..um...I'm Spencer...Dr. Spencer Reid...um, you can call me Spencer...or Reid or whatever..."

She smiled gently at him, "OK...Spencer...you can call me Megan if you like, and don't pay any notice to Morgan's nicknames for me. He's very lucky I don't hurt him for some of them."

Morgan pouted and she giggled at the face he made.

"Guys, have you seen the file for...O.M.G." The voice of Penelope Garcia floated into the room.

"Penny?"

Reid swore he had never seen Garcia move so quickly as she did when she saw Megan, and in an instant, the two women were bouncing up and down hugging each other. He had also never heard someone squeal so high pitched ; it felt like his eardrums were going to burst .


	3. Chapter3Identity Is Not A State Of Mind

**Okay guys, here's chapter 3, thanks to CriminalMinds for reviewing, don't worry, she may have a slightly higher IQ, (Only by one) but Spencer definitely wins when it comes to statistics.**

**Chapter 3- Identity Is Not a State Of Mind**

_"Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all- the apathy of human beings." -Helen Keller._

"Guys we have a case," Hotch's stern voice broke into their socialization. He sounded even more serious than usual, if that were possible. As everyone was handed a copy of the file, Morgan frowned and Reid noticed that Megan tensed, her knuckles white as she gripped the pages.

"Hotch, this isn't fair..." Morgan began, but Hotch cut him off.

"I know Morgan, but Chief Strauss demands that we see to this case."

The two of them lifted their gaze simultaneously towards Megan Ellis who glared back defiantly at them. "I want to do it. I know you obviously don't think I'm up for it, but I am." With those words she walked out of the room.

Spencer looked at Morgan, "What-"

Morgan spoke before he finished, "Okay Reid, Prentiss, Rossi, Garcia, because I know you're all wondering, let me tell you why Megan Ellis left the BAU in the first place."

"She was 18 when she joined. When she was 20, we had a particularly nasty case, a man who was stalking his victims before kidnapping, torturing and killing them, and then dumping them on their families' front doorstep. We didn't even notice the slight similarities between the victims and Megan. She and I were set to go look into a house that was suspected of being his hideout. I...I stopped to look at something-" Morgan broke off, unable to continue, a look of deep shame swept across his face.

Hotch continued the story, "We got there moments later. Megan was nowhere to be seen."

"It was my fault," Morgan interrupted, "I let her go off on her own, I should never have done that, she was just a kid..."

"Morgan, it wasn't your fault, it could have happened to any of us," Hotch calmed the man.

"Anyway, after we discovered she was missing, we got a phone call telling us to get back straight away, that someone whom we suspected as the unSub was trying to connect via webcam. Just as we got to the office, a video feed popped up. It was of Megan. The unSub tortured her, raped her, and nearly killed her. If we hadn't gotten there in time, he would have. It ruined her; we thought she would never come back to work. And the worst thing is that he made us watch, whatever he did, we couldn't get rid of the video. Everything that happened, we saw. And we never caught the guy."

Reid breathed out, only realizing then that he had been holding his breath.  
Prentiss' reaction was much the same.  
This case was about the same guy.

"That's awful," they said together.

"I'm gonna go out and check on her," Reid said, standing up.

Hotch nodded silently, wondering if maybe Reid would be the right person for her to talk to; he had had a similar experience, not so brutal perhaps, but he understood what it was like to be tortured. The two of them could be very good for each other.

*

Reid found Megan pacing outside the building.

"You okay?" he asked.

She turned to him, brushing a piece of hair back from her face, "Yeah, I guess I just feel like they're trying too hard to protect me."

Reid smiled tightly; he knew what that felt like, "They just worry about you, especially seeing as it's likely to be the same guy."

She sighed, "Yes, I wanna see him put away, for all the hell he put me through," her fists clenched at the thought.

Spencer placed a hand on her shoulder, "It's okay; I know how you feel. C'mon, let's get this guy."


	4. Chapter 4 Into The Lion's Den

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in ages, but I've been really busy. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, but I'd love more, pretty please, hehe. I'll try to post another chapter later this week, because I won't be able to update next week as I'm away to Germany for a ski trip.**

**Lots of Love,**

**Megan**

**Chapter 4 – Into the Lion's Den**

_"If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened." -George S. Patton_

As they sat on the jet, Hotch informed everyone of the plan."We know where he's staying, 232 Crescent Drive, Reid, Morgan, Ellis, we'll go in, Rossi, go out back, Prentiss out front. We can't let him get away this time."

Everyone nodded, and went back to their own business. Reid found himself sitting across from Megan.

"You...you gonna be ok for this?" he asked tentatively, not wanting her to snap at him (according to Morgan if you got her really angry she had a vicious temper). She sighed and looked up at him.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I'm about to go back to the same house where the same guy tortured me for three weeks, I'm not exactly delighted. And part of me is scared that he might get me again. But I like to think of the positive things, like the fact that we might just get him this time. If not, we try again, until we catch him."

"It's cat and mouse."

"It's like bloody Tom and Jerry."

"What?" Reid was confused.

"Oh my gosh, have you never seen Tom and Jerry, you don't know what you've missed!"

He laughed at her childlike innocence; it was good to see her smiling, even through her fear.

"So, how do you know Garcia? You two seem pretty familiar, and she wasn't here when you were before. Come to think of it, neither was Rossi."

"I have been to several of Rossi's book signings, so I know him from there. Penelope and I both go to the same theatre group, have been for the past couple of years. I never realized she worked here. We've been like best friends since then."

"Wow cool! She never mentioned you were part of her theatre group, but then I wouldn't have known you so there you go."

She nodded and turned her gaze towards the window.

*

It wasn't long before they reached the house and Megan paused outside it, looking it over.

"Megan, we understand if you don't want to do this," Hotch reassured her, placing a caring hand on her shoulder.

"No I want to do this."

_Megan Ellis stirred from her unconsciousness to find herself looking at a ceiling of stone. Her head throbbed, all she could remember was entering the back room, and something hard and heavy connecting with the back of her head. Morgan! Was he alright? She didn't know; she couldn't see him here._

"Sleeping Beauty finally awakes," a sinister voice whispered, chilling her bones. It was him, she knew it was, there was no other explanation for it.

Fear coursed through her body, making her tremble slightly. This man was a lion and she was in his den.

"What's your name pretty lady?" the voice came again, taunting her, mocking her, as she shifted her gaze to the video camera in the corner, wired up to the laptop.  
He was videotaping her.  
His hand on her throat jolted her back to reality and she whimpered slightly.

"I asked you, what's your name pretty lady?" he hissed.

"Megan," she choked out, "Megan Ellis."

He patted her head, "Good girl."

*

Back in the BAU, the team sat, horrified at the video in front of them. They couldn't tell much about the man, as he was dressed all in black and covering his face.

When suddenly the man's hand grabbed Megan's throat, JJ turned away, unable to watch, and Morgan held her close, wanting to beat the man that had held Megan captive senseless.. JJ was nearly crying at the thought of it, she hated the fact that someone could do that to another person, least of all to Megan, who was the kindest and sweetest girl she had ever met.

Jason Gideon and Aaron Hotchner's faces remained impassive, masking the pain they felt every time a blow was struck. It had been a bad idea to send her into the house with only Morgan. She was just a child; she didn't deserve this cruelty,  
just a child.  
  
Megan looked up as she felt a hand take her own. It was Morgan.

"It's alright kiddo. I'm not letting him get you this time."  
He pulled her into a hug.

"Thanks Morgan. You're the best."

Spencer Reid watched as the two hugged, and felt a strange pang in his heart.  
What was this, sadness… anger? Not quite. Jealousy… surely not... was it?  
Did he really want to be in Morgan's situation? Spencer Reid wasn't sure. For the first time in his life, there was something he wasn't sure about.


	5. Chapter 5 My Protector

**Hey guys, sorry it's been so long but I've been really busy with exams. Hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks to all the readers and especially my beta reader **_**REIDFANATIC**_**, don't know what I'd do without her.**

**Chapter 5 – My Protector  
**

_"Innocence does not find near so much protection as guilt." -Francois de la Rochefoucauld _

Hotch entered first, followed by Morgan, Megan and finally Reid. Reid couldn't help but watch her out of the corner of his eye. She was dealing with this incredibly well, anyone else would have, point blank, refused to go into the house. Hotch waved them forward. 

"Clear," he declared, "Morgan, you're with me to check the attic. Reid, Ellis, check the basement." 

They both nodded, and headed off. Megan took one look at the basement door, and shivered, the memories she'd been suppressing for so long coming back.

_She had begged him to get off her, but he wouldn't listen. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, he left her to her own devices, locking her soundly away, until his next act of torture. The pain was almost unbearable, her body covered in bruises, cuts and bumps. She couldn't concentrate anymore, her mind was hazy and, in truth, she was beginning to give up. It was too late for her, but the team could still catch this guy. They would never find her in time. All she wanted to do was lie down and die, death would be more reassuring, more comforting in the present climate._

A shout of "FBI!" brought her to her senses, just before THAT man grabbed her by the neck, holding her weak body upright against him, a gun placed to her forehead.

She whimpered in fear, but also in joy, the team was here, only to have it cut off, by him squeezing her throat.

"Another sound and I blow your pretty little brains out. Shame to waste the intelligence, really."

Hotch was the first member of the team into the basement, and had to stop himself from gagging at the sight.

Megan, young Megan, covered in bruises and blood, a gun at her temple, looking like she had totally given up on life in general.

"One more step and I kill her agents. You wouldn't want that, would you?"  
But for some unknown reason, he didn't. Instead he dropped her heavily, and bolted out a concealed door.

Everything went fuzzy and the last things she saw before losing consciousness were the concerned faces of her team members.

You ready?" Reid asked her.  
She nodded, as they entered the basement, only to see a similar predicament. The man, whose name was Elijah Todd, holding a gun, pointing directly at them. A crooked smile crossed his face when he saw Megan.

"Well well well, look who it is."

"Shut up," Megan replied, teeth gritted, "You ruined my life you ... Don't you dare even talk to me."

His eyes narrowed, a predatory look coming upon him. "Have I not told you before child that I will not be talked to like that!"

He lunged at her, and she froze in fear, eyes closed, waiting for the blow, only to hear a gunshot, and to be knocked over by something hitting her legs. Oh God, she thought, he's killed Spencer, and he's going to kill me.

It was only when she heard a familiar voice talking to her, gently pulling her out from underneath something, that she opened her eyes. Spencer was beside her, gun drawn, and lying close to her was the dead body of Elijah Todd, killed by a bullet to the head.

Spencer Reid had just saved her life, and was now hugging her close. She clung to him, afraid that she was simply imagining things and that if she let go he would disappear. Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks and he gently wiped them away, convincing her that this was real, not that it helped steady her breathing in any way.

"It's ok," he whispered, "He's gone, he can't hurt you."

"Thank you," she murmured, glancing up as the rest of the team arrived in the basement.

"Megan, Reid? You two okay?"

They both nodded, "Think so," Spencer stated.

"We got medics outside just to make sure."

When she was being checked over, Megan looked over to Reid who was talking to another medic. She would be eternally grateful for what he'd done.

Her protector.


End file.
